January 31, 2011

My Zen is coming back!

I love Thailand, its colors, its people, the weather, life is beautiful!


Life is full of surprises, learning opportunities and amazing people.  Be open to it, it is fun, fun, fun!!!

I love my life, I love loving the present moment, and I am thankful that I have this opportunity right now to live this!

I am learning about the world and about myself everyday!  Hopefully I am getting close to my greater self along the way.  : )

Yesterday I have spent the day mostly by myself, which I have to say felt really great.  I scootered around Chiang Mai, spent time writing, stopped to meditate a little (just a little) in a beautiful temple, and read some Osho (an India spiritual teacher).  I read about emptiness, about being filled with emptiness, more emptiness, in a positive way.  To be empty is sometimes thought of as a bit negative, I love the way he puts it:"Being empty is being full of space, silence, stillness, etc.  It is a good thing.  I now want to be empty, to allow space for "God" to fill me up!

Last weekend, road trip to Chiang Rai, north of Chiang Mai, was an amazing ride through the mountains.  Nature at its best, beauty all around me, I breath it all in, I am thankful to be alive, healthy and here.  My Zen is coming back, Buddha is not to far!  lol  You can see picutres of that after this post, the mountains of Chiang Rai at sunrise was amazing!  719 stairs to climb to get to this temple, everyone of them were worth the effort.


Chiang Rai is different than the rest of Thailand because it is populated with a Chinese community.  They still speak Chinese and watch Chinese tv.  I had a thought for you my Chinese friends, a mini peak of China was available there.  In the morning, breakfast in the market was certainly different.  Coffee with condensed milk, sweet and good!  I could have spent a few days there, maybe I will go back.

There so much to say, so much I would want to share, I don't want to spend to much time in front of this computer but I want to share and connect with you guys.  One of the cool thing of the last two days was eating fried insects.  A big grass hopper, some scarab beettle, some worms and mini flies of some sort.  It was an interesting experience which was all about mind over mater.  The taste was not bad, I mean it was fried so it tasted like fried something.  And it was fried enough that the inside texture was not... well, you know.  



Remco, my Teacher!

Old city of Chiang Mai at sunset.

One of my favorite restaurant - street food is amazing and cheap!

The old city is surrounded by a river, traffic flows one way on each side, it makes a nice scene when driving around town.


Cute, I think!

Crossing the river.


I took so many pictures of bikes in India, had to take this one, all clean and no rust!

Jeffrey, without the beard, nice little cafe!

White temple, not sure what to say about it, it felt a bit surreal.





Chiang Rai village, top of the mountain, just after sunrise.














I hope you have enjoyed,
I love you all!

Metta,
Health, love, laughter your way!

My Zen is back, thanks to the beautiful sun shining in my face today, my freedom to be who I want and do what I want.  I am blessed, I know it, and I filled with gratitude for all that life puts on my path!

Hug!
Charles

Challenging my zen



After almost four months of mostly travelling alone, I have paired up with Erik in Bangkok, Jeffery has joined with us in Chiang Mai, and we made a friend, the lovely Bethany Jane.  All of them beautiful people, but being a group was hard for me.  Compromising, not doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, not taking time to read, write and meditate has challenged my Zen.  I read somewhere that being “zen” in a cave in the Himalayas is easy, the real test is coming back home.  Well, I now understand that fully!  I am not enjoying the “forced” routine that has taken place, the beat of feeling obliged to pleasing other people then me.  Is that selfish?

So things started to change when I landed in Bangkok, the electricity of the city got to me, electrified me, I felt like I wanted to go out, party, flirt, etc… Like I had just landed in sin city and was put to the test.  Well, let me tell you that I have failed, and I enjoyed it.  Two days later, Erik landed in Bangkok too.  Since it was the first night, I had gotten beer and we went out for soup, went to bed around 4am, got up around nine to enjoy the city before leaving for Chiang Mai that night.  On that bus ride, I was so excited to be in Thailand, so excited to start my thai massage training, I couldn’t sleep.  I slept maybe two hours on the bus that night and went straight to class the next day.  My massage courses are beyond my expectations, I love my teacher and the teachings, I love that he gets me and is pushing me to be better! 

Our first night in Chiang Mai when I came back from class Erik had met Bethany Jane, a nice Canadian girl from Victoria, and she joined us for the evening.  We went for sushi, drinks, and the market (which is open until 12am).  We had an amazing evening the three of us, enjoying each other’s company, me kind of coaching them on negotiation skills in the market, drinking again, really connecting and having fun.  So I went to bed really late again, drunkish, and went to yoga and my class the next day.  Then Erik left for a three day and two night trek, I went out dancing with Bethany and again got in too late and had a few drinks.  At that point my body is starting to feel tired, my zen is certainly leaving me, and I’m starting to forget about the spiritual aspect of this journey.  Then came Friday and Jeffery arrived in Chiang Mai.  It was his first night in Thailand after 5 months of India, we went to a birthday party of a local women Bethany and I were invited the night before, sang karaoke, drank, and ended up going out in a bar to dance.  Of course we got home again really late, I had was drunkish again, got good street food on the way, and lots of fun, so no real regrets.  My zen is now gone, my calm has given place to fatigue and I am starting to feel like I want to find my bubble again and be alone now, but I keep forgetting about it comes night time.

Saturday night, Erik comes back from his trek, has made a bunch of friends, and again, you guessed it, we ended up going out, having a few drinks, less this time, and lots of fun!  Plus I ended up not coming to sleeping in our room, I am suddenly fascinated about visiting Austria, if you get what I’m saying!  We had plan to go on a bike trip that day, Sunday, all four of us, at 5 am.  So after my 1 hour of sleep or so, we got on scooters and left for hot springs, about 2 hours away from Chiang Mai.  It was a beautiful day, great time, beautiful scenery, relaxation in the hot pool, visiting around Thailand a little, I loved it!  That night I wanted to go to bed early but I don’t manage to make it before 1am.  I have drank only water all night, I’m starting to be irate about the beat that I am in and starting to share the negative vibes a bit because I just feel like I don’t have the luxury of finding my space.  At that point we are sharing two rooms for the four of us, I am never alone, and I feel like every decision is complicated and takes forever, I am annoyed about the fact that I am letting myself be dragged, or go there, but I am also feeling like I want to spend time with Erik, who is on vacation mode and wants to have fun!  So I tag alone.

I’ll skip a few details, but long story short, this morning Erik has left for Phuket, by plan.  It is about 20 hours from Chiang Mai by train.  We had originally planned that I would come meet him there for a few days before he leaves Thailand on the 5th when I was done my course on the 28th.  At this point I think I need to go back to my plan, go back to being by myself and find my Zen again.  He understands that and is ok with being alone for a while also, so all is good.  As we part we say that we will play it by ear.

The next two nights I spend time with Jeffrey and Bethany, but I keep it easy, I go to bed early, I have lunch and breakfast by myself reading, and I take time to write before going to bed.  If feels good, my body is thankful, so is my mental and emotional balance.  I’m starting to question if I will ever be able to share my bubble again.

Yoga 5 times a week feels good, massage class all day is super and healing for my body.  Remco is really good!  Chiang Mai is an amazing city, last night we rented bikes and cycled around town, stopped to a temple to meditate a bit, went for good street food, and I wrote for over two hours before going to bed.  I have not taken many pictures since I am here but I have loved many scenes that I’ve seen.  I think I could be in this country for a long time.  I have applied to teach English to Monks, as volunteer work to teach English.  It ends up that it would cost me $650 for two weeks of volunteering, so I will not do it of course.

This weekend Jeffrey and I rented a scooter and went north of Chiang Mai to Chian Rai, and of few other cities to visit.  It was great, scenes were magical in the mountains, we even went into a cave, it felt good to be in nature.  Today I took the day for myself, walking around, biking around, not having any plans, it feels good!

Here are a few pics from India and Thailand, all together, just to show you more.

Train station in Agra


Typical bathroom in India.  I had worst, I had better, this one was midium.  Sometimes it was an indian toilet instead of the american version.  Just thought I would share that now that I was leaving!



A fort in Agra, the inside court.



The Taj Mahal.  It wasn't the best time of day for that picture but... you do with what you have!  It was beautiful, I have to admit, more being there than any picture can show!


A street barber shop on the street of Agra.

Agra

Agra
Allahabad, where the holy rivers meet.  Wow!!!

Allahabad

Allahabad

Tiger Kingdom, near Chiang Mai, Thailand.  It was interesting to be able to pet a Tiger the same way we would a cat.  But a bit sad to realize that they are probable a bit drugged up so we can come to them so close and all.  They just don't care about us, they get touched by so many people a day they are bored from it.  So it was great, and sad.  Kind of glad I have done it, but would not recommend it since the tigers don't seam to have a great time, they are told to stay all day so many tourist can come and touch them, one after the other.

Back in India, Allahabad.

Allahabad.

India, Kalcuta

Kalcuta

Kalcuta

Bangkok, Thailand!!!

Bangkok

Bangkok

Bangkok





Erik, Bethany Jane, Jeffrey, and me!  Road trip from Chiang Mai to hot spring and Tiger Kingdom.

Sunrise on the road, somewhere north of Chiang Mai.


Thanks for reading,
I hope my next post will be more fun or more inspiring, bug I wanted to share that even after 4 months of zen, it seems it was still easy for me to lose it.  Maybe I am not ready to come back yet!  Lol

Big hug,
Big kiss,
Love you all,
Metta!