Moments - No past, no future... just moments suspended in time!: February 2011

February 27, 2011

Tomorrow, 10 days retreat... infos on my last few days... pics!!!

I was reading Osho today, he talks about non-violence and non-possessiveness, and how it is perceived in the western culture versus the eastern culture. Religion teaches us non-violence and non-possessiveness as a “commandment”, yet the old vedic texts teaches it a bit differently. Not being violent toward others is actually a selfish thing to do, which in this case is a good thing. Hurting anything or anyone else has a direct impact on ourselves, thus we shouldn’t do it for our own good. What goes around comes around, thus we will attract violence if we are violent. Furthermore, it affects our vibrations, our energetic state, thus our health and our physical self on the long run. So it should be all about not hurting ourselves, not about the others. I like it. It makes us more responsible for our own actions and thoughts; furthermore it is about taking care of ourselves, not about fear of God.

I have spent the last three days in Bangkok, it is a big city but I just love it! Walked a lot, visited a few new areas, did a hug shopping mall, went to the movies, eat soup like crazy, read and took a few pictures. It was a beautiful three days, the weather was nice, I loved it but now I am ready for a small town for the last night before my retreat. So I am now on my way to Chiaya, a little town, near the temple where I will go for my meditation retreat. It shouldn’t be to “touristy” since they guide says it is mostly visited by the tourists that goes to the meditation retreat, one or two days before the retreat, which is only once a month. I can’t wait to see this little town, but right now I am enjoying the train ride from Bangkok to Chiaya, 8 hours.

The train ride was beautiful, so different that the trains in India. Comfortable seats, coffee and snack in the morning and lunch were served, plus there actually was someone taking care of informing us of the coming station. For those of you who have traveled by train in India you will know that you have to start looking at each station names, unless you have the list of the coming stations, as of the time you should arrive. But the train is never on time, so you end up waiting for your station for a few hours sometimes. Today, on a 8 hour ride the train was only 20 minutes late, and someone took care of telling me I needed to get off. So in the comfort of my seat I could read, sleep, look at the scenery.

I am now in Chaiya, beautiful little town, I love it. Very traditional, unchanged by the tourist, most people don’t speak English, only one hotel, I love it. It is quiet and nice. I bought a watch, lost mine, and for something very similar that I shopped in Bangkok at prices around $60 I paid $5. They are all copies anyways, no warranty, and not sure if the waterproof really works. So I am happy I waited to get one!

This will be my last post until I come out of my 10 day meditation retreat. I actually can’t wait to be there, to feel it, to learn about meditation, Buddhism and about myself even more. After that, I will start to think about coming back, I will do the last few things I feel I need to do to complete this journey before heading back home. Home, it has become an interesting concept after such a long time gone, and no real “home” to return too. I have come to call home wherever my backpack is, and did feel like home in many cities that I have visited, even when all my references from home were missing. I am somewhat hopping to have a bit more clarity about what to do next, where to go, etc… during or after my retreat. Up to now I have a few options, so I am lucky that I have so many possibilities, and such good friends that are offering there help on my return. Again, life is good to me, I am thankful, I feel blessed with such loving people around me!

Enjoy the video of my last few pictures, singing off until the 11^th or 12^th of March, you can send me good vibes during that time, I am sure not all moments will be easy. Can’t wait to write about it, and share my … insights.

I wish you all an amazing 10 coming days,

Metta,

Charles

Vian Vieng, Lao, I could have spent years in this town; it is so beautiful, filled with tourists, yet quiet, small and in the middle of a paradise. It is surrounded by mountains, and a river flows next to it. One of the activity in this place is to go “tubing” along the river, in a big tractor tube, going down 3 kilometers of river. It was beautiful, especially the scenery along the river. It is such a tourist attraction at this point; there are bars all along the riverside everywhere with big sounds systems, water slides, jumping platforms, and swings at many of these bars. It takes a bit of the magic of the scenery away, but it adds another dimension to the experience. I was with a few people that I have met on the minivan coming from Luang Prabang, it was a fun day!

I didn’t get to do the elephant ride, it was all around $70 for the day but one place that was $35, for whatever reason the two days I was there, not enough people registered to make it happen, I decided not to go for the expensive places, to keep my money for something else. Plus I was talking to people that told me the elephant are chained up and all, which I didn’t like the idea. Apparently some places the elephant are really well taken care of and they have “fun” with the tourists, but some places are more like a zoo. Hard to know what you are contributing too. Maybe I should have done it in Chiang Mai, two people told me about one place that was great and caring for the elephants. I have mixed feelings about activities like these, like going swimming with dolphins in captivity, elephant riding, or going to the zoo. Sometimes the animals are well taken care of and the money contributes to taking care of them and all, but sometimes it is simply a tourist attraction, a business and the animals don’t really have a good life. Anyway, I have loved Lao, its simplicity, the quietness, the amazing beauty of nature, and its people.

This second series of pics are from Nong Khai, the town accross Lao, I just never taken the time to post it!

Enjoy!

I wish you all an amazing 10 coming days,

Metta,

Charles

February 23, 2011

Just a quick note to say all is well.

I loved Lao, a bit sad to live it so soon, but happy that I am heading for my retreat. Tonight Bangkok, then I will be making my way south to go to my retreat.

More to come soon, will upload more pics before my retreat!

Take care everyone!

Metta!

Charles

February 22, 2011

I could spend years in this town; it is so beautiful, filled with tourists, yet quiet, small and in the middle of a paradise. It is surrounded by mountains, and a river flows next to it. Yesterday I went tubing, in a big tractor tube, going down 3 kilometers of river. It was beautiful, especially the scenery along the river. It is such a tourist attraction at this point; there are bars all along the riverside everywhere with big sounds systems, water slides and swings at many of these bars. It takes a bit of the magic of the scenery away, but it adds another dimension to the experience. I was with a few people that I have met on the minivan coming from Luang Prabang, it was a fun day!

I didn’t get to do the elephant ride, it was not available at the cheap place, and to expensive at the other places. Plus I was talking to people that told me the elephant are chained up and all, which I didn’t like the idea. Apparently some places the elephant are really well taken care of and they have “fun” with the tourists, but some places are more like a zoo. Hard to know what you are contributing too. Maybe I should have done it in Chiang Mai, two people told me about one place that was great and caring for the elephants. I have mixed feelings about activities like these, like going swimming with dolphins in captivity, elephant riding, or going to the zoo. Sometimes the animals are well taken care of and the money contributes to taking care of them and all, but sometimes it is simply a tourist attraction, a business and the animals don’t really have a good life.

Today was a slow day, no electicity in town, created a quiet atmosphere. I went for a long walk, buy the river, took many pictures, swam a little, it was a great day!

LIfe is beautiful!

I hope you are all good too!

Charles

February 20, 2011

8 days before my 10 day meditation retreat - Pictures from Laos

Here is a video of some of my pcitures of Laos. I have no more space on my blog for pics, so this will have to be the alternative.

8 days before my 10 day meditation retreat, I can’t wait to live that experience. I am sure it will be so rewarding and somewhat life changing. We should be a fair amount of people, together everyday, in complete silence. Group meditation, walking mediation, group yoga class, and time alone in our little hut from what I get from the website. A mini bamboo mat for sleeping and a wooden pillow, I thing this is the part I am most worried about. I mean, I have slept on hard mats in my travels, without a pillow, (the pillows were simple to big for me, would rather not use any) and I was fine. But a mini layer of bamboo on a wooden floor with just a neck type support in would, that can’t be comfortable, even when you are really tired. But hey, it is all about challenging my limits, and ten days is not that long. I have seen people sleeping on the street in India, on concrete, without a pillow or a blanket, so I will just have to think of them for courage. Plus I am choosing this and I know I will go back to a comfortable bed after that, so I can’t complain. It will also be 10 days without any contact with the outside world, not allowed to read, write or anything else. Yet I can’t wait to be there, I can’t wait to live this experience, I’m really looking forward to it!

On the bus ride to Luang Prabang I have met a French couple, Joseph and Lucie, two beautiful people, traveling for six months to celebrate there wedding. The got married after 6 years of being together, they met in China and they decided to travel from France to China as a wedding vacation. We diner together last night and tonight, two interesting people, I enjoyed our conversations and their company. They were all excited tonight because they are leaving for China, by bus tomorrow morning. Back to where they have met, back to visit a part of there past, they lived there for 2 years and they speak the language, so I can relate.

We went to a really typical

Laos

restaurant tonight, near the river, out of the city, so quite, so nice, I loved it. We had a

Laos

fondu, which is both a grill and a fondu pot at the same time, so you grill the meat and you boil the vegetables and the noodles. It was beautiful, good and fun. I am so lucky, thank you life for all these beautiful moments and people!

Today I took a mini van to Vang Vieng, 5 hours of a mini seat, in small spiraling roads, hot weather, and a bit of motion sickness. Never had that in a bus, or hadn’t had that in a car since I was really young, but today was a bit difficult. We were 4 out of 13 feeling sick, but it is ok, I`m loving Vang Vieng.

Have an amazing day everyone!

Metta!

Charles

February 18, 2011

Luang Prabang... Nouis sommes tous UN

Comme au Laos il y a un mini héritage français et que certains parle français j'ai décidé de faire ce post dans la langue de Molière!

Luang Prabang, magnigique petite ville dans le nord du Laos. Un peu touristique, toutefois ça ne lui enlève aucun charme à mes yeux. J’ai un superbe petite chambre, toute en bois, avec douche chaude à moins de 10 minutes de marche de la rivière et de la plage. Demain je pars pour passer un journée en nature avec les éléphants. On va même se baigner avec et tout, je suis vraiment excité. Je vais me rendre vers Vang Vieng comme prochaine destinations, ensuite de retour a Vientiane pour prendre mon vol vers Bangkok.

Depuis deux jours je me questionne souvent sur ce que je devrais faire à mon retour. Je sais que je vais passer quelques jours dans le coin d’Ottawa, y faire quelques anciens clients, ensuite quelques temps dans le coin de Montreal, je suis certain que je pourrai là aussi y faire un peu d’argent. Ensuite je vais me rendre dans le coin de Moncton pour aller voir ce qui pourrait se faire là bas, voir Odette, une bonne amie et de la famille. J’ai souvent l’image de Moncton, pour une raison ou une autre, ça m’attire, mais je dois avouer que Montreal aussi! Que j’aime cette ville!!! Par contre j’ai envie d’un coin tranquille, en même temps j’ai peur d’être loin de la ville. Peut être Québec, un peu plus prêt de la famille, pas trop loin de Montréal, j’y ai déjà des amis... je sais plus! C’est pas très important, je sais que ça va se faire tout seul, mais j’ai souvent cette pensée que revient. I guess que je sens que je m’en viens bientôt!!!

Depuis que je suis en voyage je me dis souvent que nous sommes tous pareil à la base, mon enfant intérieur ne comprend pas les querelles, les guerres, la douleur que l’on se cause les uns envers les autres. Après tout on vit tous les mêmes émotions, on aime, on a mal, on compétitionne, on gagne ou l’on perd. On prend soins les uns les autres, on élève nos enfants, on paye nos factures, pleur et l’on rit. Chaque religion croit dans le même Dieux même si leurs dirigeants disent autrement. Qu’est-ce que ça va prendre pour nous unir, pour que chacun réalise que le JE n’est rien sans le NOUS. Ce que je fais à l’autre je me le fais à moi et ce que je fais pour moi vibre vers les autres. Nous sommes tous liés, nous sommes tous interdépendants, nous sommes citoyens de la terre. Pourquoi le focus sur nos différences est-il plus répendu que le focus sur nos similitudes? Chaque religion dit : « Aimez-vous les uns les autres » d’une façon ou de l’autre. Et au nom de la religion on trace des différences entre peuples, on se fait la guerre!!! Je ne comprends pas! J’ai toutefois espoir!

Aimons-nous les uns les autres, POUR nos différences, parce qu’elles nous permettres d’apprendre les uns des autres, parce qu’elle nous font grandir et s’appanouir. Emerveillons-nous les uns devant les autres POUR nos différences, soyons curieux de se découvrir, soyons reconnaissants pour chaque couleur, odeur, saveur et vibration disponnible sur notre planète.

Je suis heureux d’être différent, j’ai toutefois souvent le sentiment que nous sommes tous qu’un.

February 15, 2011

Laos... Reflection on speaking our truth

I am loving Laos, can’t wait to visit more of it. Have visited Vientiane, the capital, and tonigh leaving for Luang Prabang, 11 hour bus ride north. It is poorer then Thailand, according to the lonely planet it is similar to Thailand 50 years ago. Loving the “less modern” look and feel of life here.

Health is good, still loving every minute of my journey! Back to reading, writing and meditation everyday (short ones, but still).

Will be making my way to Wat Suan Mokkh, a monastery where they offer a 10 day meditation retreat. Simple living, 2 meals a day, sleeping on the floor with a wooden pillow, can’t wait to see that pillow, and meditation courses and practice everyday. Full silence for 10 full days, can’t wait! We will hear some people talk, during the meditation and yoga classes, but we will not be allow to talk. Love it!!! You can check the website at : http://www.suanmokkh-idh.org/.

I can’t upload any pictures at this time, will have to figure this out, my blog space is full. Guess my pictures are two big in size!!! Will solve that soon, promise!

As for the reflection part today, here is what I feel like sharing.

Speaking our truth, being our true self, I was reading about that today and I had to stop many times, filled with to much emotions. Why is it so hard sometimes to simply be my true self?

In my life I had to learn to understand the need of someone else before mine as of a young age. I tried to be the perfect brother to my mentally challenged sister, putting my needs aside to keep things easier. Not always, of course, I was not a perfect little boy all the time. But it became part of my program, that my parents appreciated it when I could see pass the situation and be the bigger “boy”. I would hear my mom and dad talk about how I was good for my sister, I would hear other adults say the same, I wanted to keep that role, I was proud of the approval I would get. I became the good boy, the good sun, the good brother. I learned to put myself aside, to please.

At school I was never a popular boy, I was intelligent, not to athletic, and I was different. I did not know then that I was gay, but I guess I was different that the other boys partly because of that. I had different interests, I was more sensitive and got along with girls easily. So when I made friends, I would do everything to please them, my needs were never important.

I am giving you the quick version of my reflection here to get to my point. I became a pleaser. And it worked; by the time I left for college I had perfected my art. I pleased people, and they liked me. I made great friends, amazing friends actually, and was told by a few that I was to much of a nice guy, which at that point I didn`t understand. But now I do understand. I have found a way to feel good about feeling bad when making people feel good. How sick and twisted is that? And in the name of what? Being liked?

When I left for this trip a few months ago it was all about finding me, the little me that I have been putting aside for so long. It was a journey that had started when I left my job at Bell, I started to listen to my needs more, to find that courage to be more aware of my needs, to express them more, etc. Still, I was at a point where I was bitter when I would put people’s need before mine. So many times in my life I wanted to be mean, I wanted to be angry, to express anger, to yell and scream at someone. And again, I don’t want to pretend that I never did, but I didn’t do it all the times that I wanted to. So many times I said yes, when I wanted to say no. So many times I spent an evening with someone when I really wanted to be by myself. And I didn’t always do it because I was asked to; I would do it because I thought that is what would please the other person. Anyway, again, short version, few examples, just to state that I have for whatever reason put my needs aside many times in my life. I got to a point where I didn’t know how to change that, how to give back priority to myself; how to listen to my needs.

I think at some point I started to be in conflict with that battle in me. I started being bitter about it, so it started to come out. I started to be mean to my partner, for no reason, at least for no reasons that pertained to him. And even if he didn’t really understand the whole reason behind it, he just understood that it wasn’t about him, so he kind of just took it, so I kept going at it. He would not get offended nor defensive, he would let me have my little moments, then we would talk about it, and it was all good. So I kept going, and he kept taking it. It got to a point where I didn’t recognize myself, where I became someone I didn’t want to be. He allowed me that safe space, where I knew I would still please him even if I didn’t put his needs first. I knew with him I could be impatient and show anger, and he would still like me. And I think deep down, I was bitter for having moved to Ottawa to live with him. I had left my life in Montreal because he didn’t want to leave Ottawa, to be with him. It took me a while to realize that, but I wanted to be with him so much, to prove to him that I loved him, that I left Montreal for him. But when I didn’t like Ottawa as much as I thought, I started to be bitter about it. From that I gave myself permission to be listen to my needs when with him, because after all I had done a sacrifice for him. Which was totally unfair to him, he never asked me to move, he was not ready to move, he was ok with a long distance relationship, he was patient and all, but I wanted change, and thought it would be fun to move. But then I regretted it. Not consciously then, now I know, now I understand. So at one point, I ran away. I left him, I left my job, my house, my dog, and I left to be with me.

Thank God, it brought balance back. It was the most beautiful gift I ever offered myself. To do what I want, when I want, how I want, without worrying about anybody else’s needs!!! Thank you to my parents for putting there needs aside sometimes to meet mine, and those of my sister. It is probably not easy to be a parent everyday, and I sure am thankful I could run away, I know some of you don’t have that luxury.

I understand violence now, I understand where it comes from. I was never violent, and I don’t think I was ever really mean, but I directed anger that was built up inside toward François for stupidities. I see this clearly now. All that because I have bottled up my truth in the past, I have built resentment, anger, and frustrations that I never expressed. I am not suggesting anger needs to be expressed as anger; I am suggesting anger needs to be expressed. When something or someone creates anger in you, it is okay to say it. To share what is going on, without the fear of not being liked for it, of loosing approval, of loosing your status as a good person, etc. When you are being hurt, it is okay to say it, to have a discussion about it. Anything can be said, it is all about how it is said. We fear disappointment, disapproval, dispute, or worst we don’t want to have to deal with someone else’s emotions, so we bottle ours in. And then we keep this person in our life, for many reasons, and repeat the same thing over and over, because it becomes a dynamic, a pattern. It gets to a point where we are more angry at ourselves for never having said anything, and then we think now is to late. I say it is never too late, take the mask of, express your truth. You are hurting yourself more by not doing so. I hope I have learned this, I hope that from now on I will be able to say things, to disappoint someone sometimes in order to please me.

I used to wish that everybody would be pleasers, what a great world it would be I used to think. Now I know it would just be fake!

Namastee beautiful people!

Metta!

Charles

February 13, 2011

Fête de l'amour!

Joyeuse St-Valentin à tous!!! Que l'amour vous arrive de partout aujourd'hui!!! Dites je t'aime le plus souvent possible aujourd'hui!!!

Happy Valentins day to all of you!!! May love flow your way all day!!! Say I love you as many time is possible today!!!

Je vous aime!

I love you!

Je m'aime! I love Myself! ; )

February 11, 2011

Nong Khai pictures... some reflexions about life: Is God the creator of our reality? Is he the one pulling the strings?

Nong Khai, Thailand

New temple in construction

By the river, Mong Khai

Friendship bridge, in the distance, connecting Laos and Thailand

Mong Khai

For all of you who had never seen such a toilet, or never had to use, I thought it could be fun to share. I think you can guess that the water is to flush... it is also to wash your ass... which I never do, I use kleenex!!!

Cabadge growing in the hill, Buddha whatching over them! lol

Not to sure about these sausages... They were parked in front of that house, I liked!

The tuk-tuk of Mong Khai (taxis), I love!

This is s full park of huge status of Hindu and buddhist diaties. Verry interesting and impressive.

My tuk-tuk driver, it was a certain distance from town, so I invited him to join me in the park so he could bring me back. He accepted gladely. He spoke verry little English, we still manage to laught a few times together. He made me visit a few spot on our way back, was all good. Of couse I paid a little more, he appreciated!

Propane is used a lot here and manipulated without the extra care that we would require in Canada.

Here are some of my writing, or reflexion of the last few days. I was not sure if I would share, but I decided I should.

Is God the creator of our reality? Is he the one pulling the strings? Is God really an observer that judges us? Is he the one deciding over our health, wealth and luck? I honestly don’t think so anymore.

I believe in God, don’t get me wrong. I believe in this Divine force, beyond us, that encompasses everything. Yet I don’t believe in a God that cares about our actions and thoughts. This is a thin line, I know some of you don’t like what I’m writing already, but give me a chance. I believe that God is the sum of all that exist, thus we are part of it. Why would he judge parts of himself?

I think religion created a judging God, to create fear in us, thus to have control. Religion, any religion, has created rules, supposedly dictated by God, in order to control the people. God created us perfect, with free will, so we could experience the human form to its fullest. The only rules are the laws of the Universe. Actions create reactions; what goes around comes around. Do good, and good you shall receive, and vice versa. So yes there are rules that govern our lives, but I don’t think they were given to us by a judging or controlling God. They were explained to us, through Jesus, Buddha, Mohamed, etc, in order to help us have a greater experience of life. The consequences of our action will not be judge by God, he will not punish us if we act differently to what he instructed; it will be the result of the Universal laws. That’s what the book “The Secret” was all about. You can control your life when you understand these laws because when you know how they work you can have them work for you. It is not new stuff; the Bible says the same thing, as well as the other holy books of other religion. The only difference is that in these books they make it sound like God will be the one deciding over the outcome.

All I am trying to express here is not to give control to an outsource force, not to blame an outsource force. We are responsible for our life, we get what we deserve, we bring on our path the lessons we want to learn. Prayer shouldn’t be about asking God something, prayer should be about gratitude. Gratitude is a powerful energy, it says to the Universe/God, that we love this or that. Thus we create a space in our life for more of this or that to keep coming. So I pray: “I am thankful for all of you in my life. I am thankful for all the lessons that came my way, for my health, my wealth, my luck, and my intelligence. I am thankful that the ones I love are healthy, and that I can count on them as much as they can count on me. And I am especially thankful that everything is perfect, here and now.” I honor God as the Sum of All that exist, I feel blessed to be a part of it. I want to be a good person, because I want good to keep coming my way. I don’t want to sound like I know better, like I have the answer, I just want to share my understanding of many spiritual teachings that I came across in my life, what it echoed in me, how it transformed my world. The world is a beautiful place if you want it to be, take control!

_______

On the road to Laos, the pretext is to obtain a visa for Thailand, which I could have done in India but I didn’t know. And when I was trying to find this information I read many times something about a visa on arrival. So I just trusted that that was the way to do it. So now I need to leave the country before the 13^th and get a visa if I want to come back. For a visit to Thailand, up to 30 days as a Canadian we don’t need a visa, but for longer then that yes. So might as well take advantage of that trip to visit Laos a little if I’m going to step in this country for two days, might as well do longer and discover a new country. I didn’t research anything about Laos, I don’t have a guide book, so it will all be a surprise. One thing that I know is that it is one of the best places to see elephant and do elephant trekking, which I will certainly do. It feels good to be on the road again, to have the mini excitement of not knowing what is to come, how it’ll be, etc.

My month in

Thailand

was not as I expected it, filled with similar electricity then a city life can bring. I was with people at many moments, didn’t read as much, didn’t meditate regularly, drank to much, spent to much, but I have enjoyed most of it, none the less. I have loved my massage training with Remco, I can’t wait to practice. Anyone interested for a good massage? $45 for one hour for those who read this post and book in advance! lol Got to make money when I come back! Also can’t wait to practice the two oil massage techniques, Kalari massage, learned in India and Sabai Massage learned in Thailand – these will be free for the first 5 people! Put your name on the list quickly! Ok, enought marketing! lol

I am now in Nong Khai, near the Laos border, across Vientiane, Loas. It is a small town, slow and calm, built along side the river, peaceful and beautiful. I had plan a day here, might do two. It felt good to walk all day and to be alone, in my head and bubble today. Although many tourist pass through here to get there going to Laos it doesn’t have the electricity of a tourist town. My guess house is quiet, with a simple and mini room made of wood, very open to the outside, with a big yard and a few tables. Just across the road is the river, I could live here for a few weeks! Tomorrow or Saturday I will cross to Laos, for 2 weeks or so. I have no plans, all will depends of where I go for my 10 day meditation retreat. At this point I have sent three different emails, I’m waiting to get some infos.

Love you guys!

Metta!

Charles

February 09, 2011

Worth a few minutes of your time... puts our little "obstacles" in life in perspective! Smile, life is beautiful! Be happy, it is a choice!

Metta!!!

Charles

The world is a mirror

Hello beautiful souls, I hope you are all doing well today!

The past few days were amazing, life is treating me well. My treatment with signing bowls was pretty intense, I loved it, relaxing and healing at the energetic levels. I felt connected for a while when I walked out of there. Also I have spent a day with Pichet, the Thai Yoga Massage "guru", it was pretty special to say the least. Would be hard to put in a few words. Lets just say that he was more about the philosophy and the approach to massage then about teaching new moves, but that was all fine. He is definitely a "guru" of some sort, wise and weird. Forget about the technique he would say, it is all about the attitude, the approach. Start by listening to your own body, and healing yourself, then you will be able to help others. I enjoyed it, really happy I went, but will not put more money to learning with him at this point.

Yesterday and today I have learned Thai oil massage, a very nice, warm, relaxing approach to oil massage. It is a beautiful technique, I hope I get to practice in the next few days because learning it in two days was a challenge. Yet I have filmed the teacher giving it to me, so that will help. It was a one on one approach, can't wait to let some of you try this and get your feedbacks. Because of that I have cancelled my 2 days meditation but I have found some 10 day meditation retreat that I will do instead before coming back.

I will be leaving Chiang Mai tomorrow for Laos, I can't wait to go discover a new place, a new country. After almost a month of Thailand, most of it in Chiang Mai, I feel like it is time for me to move. Chiang Mai is amazing, but I could be in Montreal it is so tourist friendly. I hope Laos will be a bit more ... "different" then home.

I have meditated for a good 15 minutes today on a passage in one of Osho's book that I am reading. He was saying that the world is a mirror, it shows you back what you put out. That the only way to change what you see in the mirror, is to change yourself. The only way to change the world, the way you experience it, is by changing yourself. Stop complaining about the way the world is, the way your reality is, change your attitude, your inner self and the world around you will change. His analogy was that it is like when you are in the mountain, and there is echo. If you bark, it will back back at you. If you sing a nice loving song, it will sing back at you. I loved it! I already agreed with that, not the first time I read this concept, but I love the simple way he has put it. That is exactly how life works, so I say: "Stop having pity for yourself, take responsibility for your reality, for what life is serving you back. Accept that you have created it! Then change it. Change the barking to a beautiful song, that power is in your hands. No one else can change the world for you. We have a hard time changing ourselves, it is pretty ridiculous to think we could change the world."

In the last few days I was told by Pichet, the Thai massage "guru", when he gave me a few minutes of massage, that I protect myself to much, that I am not allowing him to help me. And then by the singing bowl healer, that my hart chakra could be more open, that I have a beautiful and powerful energy but that I don't share it. I have certainly learned to protect myself in life, not wanted to be hurt anymore, not wanted to feel pain anymore, not allowing myself to be vulnerable anymore. Meditation seams to be the only key, so one day at a time I intend to learn to feel more, to be more in touch with my own emotions. Maybe this is one of the reason that I left my last relationship, and the one before for that matter. Protecting myself, preventing the possible pain that could happen. I don't know! I know I have been hurt by "friends" growing up, and losing my mother was certainly a major factor in closing my hart chakra and not wanting to feel that type of pain ever again. I don't really know, maybe I will need to meditate on that for a while before I get the answers, but for now I am at least aware of it. So I will start by saying, I LOVE YOU and I am ready to be hurt to love you more everyday! I want to open my hart to the world, I want to be vulnerable again with those that I trust. We'll see how my ten day meditation retreat will help with that, maybe it'll crack me open, let me cry for a few hours, release some stuff, who knows! By the way, I don't feel bad about all that, I know that I am capable of love, capable of venerability, it is just a mater of reaching the best version of who I can be!

Here is where I want to go for my ten day meditation retreat: www.suanmokkh-idh.org

After that I will go finish my diver certification somewhere south of Thailand, then make my way to Malaysia maybe before coming back to Canada. I guess within 4-8 weeks I will have to come back, so ... see you all soon!

Big hug, filled with love from my opening hart chakra!!! lol

Charles,
Metta!

February 07, 2011

All is good, just no time to write - Tout va bien, juste pas le temps d'ecrire!

Metta!

Have an amazing day!

Charles

February 04, 2011

My massage was excellent!

Today I got my massage with the blind man and I simply loved it. Very knowlegable, soft, attentionate, yet strong. I am going back Monday.

Today I the flower festival has started, lots of flowers and plants for sale, but also an other part of the city has stransformed in a big market. Lots of street food, lots of stuff for sale. I have finally found something for my dad!

Tomorrow I am going on a scooter trip to visit some stuf around Chiang Mai, a lake, a temple on a mountain, and will improvise the rest. I am now driving a semi automatic bike, will be ready for standard soon!

Life is good, I'm happy! I love the food, the weather and the people. I have to say that today I was saying that India was amazing to tourists and I realized I miss it a little. Something about the simplicity of things, don't know.

Just wrote this post from my phone getting a foot massage, life is so difficult sometimes!

lots of love your way!
metta!

c

February 03, 2011

Power of vibration, power of intentien... healing!

Today I had a training on how to use a singing bowl for healing. It was a powerful moment, he got things from me in just a few minutes, pushed my buttons in a good way, brought tears to my eyes, and shared some good knowledge and wisdom, all that in one hour. I am meeting with him again tomorrow for one more hour of training and on Tuesday morning for a healing session. He told me that I had great power inside me, that I should learn to share it with the world. He also told me it is ok to be selfish, and that I care to much about what people think of me. To do things for myself more and feel good about that. He also asked me if I take a challenge or walk away when I meet one. I said I don't like when I don't feel I can succeed, but that I like to take a challenge. I guess the real answer is that I like a challenge when I feel I can succeed. He got that I'm sure! lol

Tomorrow I am getting a Thai Massage by a blind man, who is well recognize here, I have met him yesterday, I love him already. He must be in his 50s, small Thai man. When we met he touched my hips and chest as he asked my name, then he said I will call you giant! I thought that was funny! So tomorrow I will get a 90 min massage with him, I can't wait!

Monday I will take a one day training with a "Guru" of Thai Massage, Pichet, and Tuesday after my "healing" session I am going on a two days meditation retreat with Buddhist monks. That should do me some good! When I come back from there I will have to start my journey to Laos because I was only allowed 30 days in Thailand without a visa. I will go for Laos for a few weeks, from there I will be able to apply for a 30 or 60 day visa for Thailand and come back to visit the south this time.

I feel I had to plan a bit to make all this happen but I am feeling good about all of that now.

I now have a Thailand phone number, 0843719047, from Canada you have to dial dial 011 + 66 + my phone number.

Lots of love your way,
thanks for all the great feedback and comments on my last post, it feels good to share!!!

Love you guys!
Metta your way!

Charles

February 01, 2011

Mountains of Norther Thailand - Sharing a reflection

Que j'aime la vie!

If life is a gift, shouldn't we be thankful for it? Everyday we wake up, the gift is given again, it is still available, so I think we should say thank you to God everyday.

The only certainty about life is death, why be afraid of it?

Just wanted offer the reflection, I don't have an answer for it. But I can say that I am thankful for my life, I say thank you regularly, even more these past few months. And I am not afraid of dying, I don't think I ever was actually. I don't know why? Maybe I feel like there will be some sort of continuity to what I call me.

Here are a few more pictures of northern Thailand, some of them are in relation with yesterday's post, as of now I am up to date with the pictures and my travel. I have spent way to much time in front of a computer the past two days, but feel good about sharing every time I do. I have spent time alone, yesterday and today, and I have to say I am looooovvvviing it. I keep thinking where will I go when I go back to Canada? I want to find a place where I will be quiet, yet I love being close to a big city. I guess Moncton, N.-B. could be a good option, city-ish, yet quiet and close to the beach. My concern with it is that I am not recognize for my massage there, and training would be somewhere around $10 000, but then again, why worry, I know I love massage and I love learning about it.

I also have realized in the last few days that when I spend time alone, in silence for a while, words seems to become more powerful. A simple thank you, a paragraph in a good book, the lyrics of a song. I think we overuse words, we talk about nothing important just to fill silence, and mostly we talk about negative stuff or we complain. What if we had a counter and would be allowed only so many words a day, so many words in our entire life, would we wast them on meaningless things?

I think this is what I love about being alone, I choose the vibrations I am in, the words I listen to, the words I read. I have always despised the news for that reason, they are filled with negative vibes, and fear. And to me the saddest part about it is that people are watching the news first thing in the morning and last thing at night. No wonder we live in a society that is so filled with fears and worries. I have not had cable tv for many years for the same reason. I stilled watched tv, renting movies or streaming from the web, but at least then I would choose what to watch, I would choose the emotions I wanted to feel. I think we watch tv to feel emotions that we don't get to experience in our daily life. Come to think of it, I have not missed tv since I am on my journey.

One more thing about being alone is starting my day with a moment of intention for the day. I forget about it when someone else is there. I have a moment of gratitude for where I am, for my health, and for the fact that I can do whatever I want to without impacting anyone else. Then I set an intention for the day, today it is finding a meditation course, that the right teacher comes my way (of course I will search for the place, just that I find the one I need). I do that automatically when I get up alone, and I don't think of it if someone else is there... interesting! I'll reflect upon that. Why do I put myself aside when someone else is there? Why do I feel oblige to please, why do I feel guilty when I don't please is a better question. Guilt is such a powerful yet negative vibe. I think I could write a full post about guilt, maybe I will, maybe it would help me exorcise it. And as much as I feel oblige to please, it is getting to me more and more. I am not happy about putting myself aside but I don't know how to express it. Don't know how to say this is what I want. So I do stuff that I don't really feel like doing when I'm with other people, then I get bitter about it. I know where my need to please comes from, but I don't get that I have not changed that in the last years.

We all have stuff to heal, I am healing a past of not being liked, of being ridiculed, of being rejected, because I was different. But that was only for a few years at school, since I am 18 and have been blessed with amazing people around me, with friends that I can count on, that likes me for who I am, no matter what. And even with them sometimes I put myself aside, not sure why. Deep down I know they will still love me. So my intention for the next few days will be to learn how to express my needs better. To do and say what I want, even when I am with people. Maybe I need to except I am different in more ways then one, and that as much as I am a social person I would rather be alone then to compromise my truth to be with others.

I don't know why this is what I am sharing today, but I hope some of that will resonate with some of you.

I love you!
I love myself!
Smile, it makes everything better, and love yourself, you are beautiful as you are!

Enjoy the pics!