Since I landed in India I am facinated about the way the men are with each other. The promiscuity is so different then us! Lots of men walk in the street holding hands, or harm on the shoulders. The sit side by side and talk closely with hands on the other ones lap, they hug and touch like we would not. And there is nothing gay about it, it is just friendship. Well, there is nothing gay about it in the sense we would interpretate it. Now, this could be a long post and the topic is ... hard to approach ... lets just start by saying that homosexuality is illigal here. Or at least it was :
Advisory: On July 2, 2009, the Delhi High Court overturned a 148-year-old British colonial law proscribing homosexual intercourse as "carnal intercourse against the order of nature."
The court stated, "Indian constitutional law does not permit the statutory criminal law to be held captive by the popular misconceptions of who the LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders) are. It cannot be forgotten that discrimination is antithesis of equality and that it is the recognition of equality which will foster the dignity of every individual."
Lets start by explaining that sex before mariage here is not practiced as freely as we do. It happens more and more, in bigger cities, yet it is still very hidden. Women are not as free, ofter can't really go out. In smaller town, you will find only men in bars, and that is pretty much a fact in begger cities too, except a few, and in particular bars. Girls will go to discotheque now, for dancing and all, but they wont drink the same way as guys. There are exceptions to this, of course, more and more, but it is recent. Also, we have to concider that most mariages, still today, are arrange by the families. Love mariage, as they call it, are about 10% only, and most still have to be approve by the family. They don`t mary out of there own state for most of them, because of culture differences they say! Very much different then Montreal!!!
So if you don't fall in love with your wife, you meet here only a few times before the wedding, your parents have chose her for you, and you don't get much chance to have sex before mariage... you most likely will have ... man to man sex a few times in your life. Yet, this will not be.... intimate, sensual, romantic. It will be purely physical and not concidered gay, just ... sexual. It is special traying to talk about this with indian men. I have a few times, jocking with the topic. They get very touchy when drunk, even with me, so it gave me the oppurtunity to have these talk two times. Also, I met a nice French girl who have dated an indian man for a few years and she told me about it, so from there I became curious.
So are we homophobic in our "western" sociaty? Is that why we restrain from showing affection between guys? We think if I hug my friend, if I show a minimum of affection, what will he think of me? I think it is the fear of being thought of as gay that prevent some of that.
Even in hotels and hostels, when a group of friends, from two to more, rent a room, they share one room to save money. The share the same bed and don't care. Supposingly they will even cuddle, which I believe, because they do in public on the beach! But all this without the this question behind their mind on how it might be perceived.
So at first it was weird for me when I gay would put his hand on my laps when talking to me, or his harm around my neck. A was always questionning the behaviour. Now I don`t think of it, I let it be for what it is.
Of course their are gays here, and more and more come out and say it as it is getting more and more accepted. It also seam to be a joke that they say often. They'll call there friend gay, they'll say we know you are gay, stuff like that. The topic has change a bit with gay awareness in the country, with information our safe sex including gays, with having gay parade in big cities, etc... And it seams to be somewhat accepted, yet... in a different way. They are just people that are so kind, so from the hart, they accept the differences. It is still taboo per say, yet, not nacessarily discriminated.
Anyway, I didn't want to approach the gay topic as I started this post, and don`t pretend I have understood all the intrecacies about this topic. I wanted to talk about how different and somewhat refreshing it is to see men behave so closely with one another. I didn't really manage to get pictures of this, I hope I will be able soon!
I am currently in Kovalam, I am loving it! It is again a rainy day, so I had lots of time to write this!!!
Big hug,
All is amazing here, health and all ... life is taking care of me, mother India is warm and good to me!
Lots of love your way beautiful souls,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my posts, I love it everytime one of you comment or send me a note after!
take care!
Hi Charles,
ReplyDeleteThis is James, Pascal's "lover". Just seeing your blog now, very interesting stuff, and I love, love, love your photos! India, so far, is exactly how I would imagine it, and although I love to rough it, do the hostel thing, sleep on the beach illegally, I think I'll stick to the Four Seasons when I go there!
Your sexuality post was interesting, and I would have to say OUI, western society, especially in the Americas, is incredibly homophobic. It's pretty ridiculous that straight guys will actually dumb themselves down, and purposely make themselves unattractive just because they fear being perceived as gay. I also find it's getting worse with the backlash towards metrosexuals. Apparently, the Middle East is a lot like India in that respect, with the men being more intimate, but in a non-sexual way (but sometimes in a sexual way), and I find Mediterranean cultures are more touchy-feely, although more homophobic when it comes to actual LGBT rights than in Northern EU. I think in Canada, we were very strongly influenced by Victorianism, which was very repressive of sexual freedom, even French society, and it has evolved from there into what it is today. Homophobia here, I find, seems to be left over anti-feminism and self-sexual repression, and with everybody's need to identify with what they are rather than who they are. I'm just glad I'm gay so I can reject this silly society and their rules and expectations and live for myself and by my value system. That's the joy of travel, getting to break the mould of what you're so used to!! Have a great time, and I look forward to reading your future posts...keep safe and healthy!